How does one find the right spouse through the prayer for guidance (Istikhara)?

First you carefully examine the other person’s faith and character yourself, and whether the two families fit together in their ways. Only then do you ask God for guidance. Without this examination, the prayer alone is not a reliable guide.

Many families understand the prayer for guidance as waiting for a dream or a sign, often even through other people who pray on one’s behalf. This widespread practice does not match the example from the time of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw). There, one’s own careful examination comes first.

When choosing a spouse, one looks first at faith and character, as the first hadith above says. Then one asks whether the person suits one socially and in terms of family. What counts here is not the family’s name or rank, as the first verse above teaches. What counts are the habits lived in a family. If these are very different, they can put a heavy strain on a marriage over time.

Having settled these questions honestly and thoroughly, one turns to God. In effect one says: as far as I can see, this match is good for me. If it is not, keep me away from it. The prayer in the second hadith above has exactly this form.

After such a prayer a person may see a dream, may feel calmer inside, or may feel greater joy about the decision. That is the fruit of the prayer at the end of an honest examination.

Without this examination, the prayer alone is not reliable. Someone who asks several people to pray about the same match often receives contradictory answers. One senses a blessing, another a warning. Yet God does not lead people into contradictions. Whoever first examines carefully and then prays will not experience such contradictions.